Am I the Only One Who Cared About Denim Day?

Am I the Only One Who Cared About Denim Day?


ashley del rio

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—

Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— 

Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— 

Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
Martin Niemöller

Do you read the captions on my Instagram photos, or do you just look at the photos and move on? If you read them, you may know that yesterday was Denim Day, the day in which we stand against erroneous and dangerous ideas about sexual assault by telling the world that our outfits are not invitations. That what we wear, however short or tight, does not give anyone the right to make judgments, make advances or even make faces at us. 
Nearly two decades ago, a rape conviction in Italy was overturned by the supreme court when the defense argued that since the victim was wearing tight jeans, she must have helped her attacker remove them, thus implying consent. The next day, the women in parliament all wore jeans to work in solidarity with the victim and Denim Day was born. 
Do you think this is important? Do you you care? Do you even agree with the cause? 
A few days ago, I came across an article online that offered advice on how much skin to show on a first date. "Experts" weighed in with tips I used to hear back in middle school about only showing one body part at a time and not "sending the wrong message." 
Seriously? This is 2017. 
I spent my entire education in private school and wore uniforms every day until high school graduation, and the dress code was strict. Students were required to keep their shirts tucked in and girls' skirts had to cover the knees. My skirts were always too short. Whether because I outgrew them or because, due to weight fluctuation, they didn't always rest as low on my waist as they should, I served detention at least once a week because, when asked to kneel on the floor, my skirt did not touch the ground. 
They made me kneel. Why didn't I see how wrong that was?
In the last quarter of my senior year, the office administrator, with whom I was friendly, told me jokingly that I held the record for most detentions ever served by a student at my high school. I found it funny and wore the title as a badge of honor. And then it started to sink in. How much class had I missed out on, how many opportunities to learn and study and improve myself had been taken from me because the school felt that the boys' right to an education without distraction from my knees was more important than my own education?
Sometime in college, I started to realize that I was pretty. And apparently everyone else did too, because since my junior year of college, I have not gone one day-- one single day-- without being hit on, whistled at, Facebook poked, emoji winked at or overtly stared at by at least one guy. Not one day. I am not exaggerating.  Yesterday, on Denim Day, while walking four blocks from my Miami Beach apartment to lunch, I was approached 17 times. 
I'm nostalgic for the days of Jane Austin and Mr. Darcy, when it was not socially acceptable for men to speak to women without an introduction from someone she knew. Whatever happened to those days? How come we can bring back every trend except that one?
I'm tired. I'm tired of the whistles and the stares and the interruptions. And I'm more tired of people not thinking there is anything wrong with it, even women. Especially women. 
To the girl who was my server last night at dinner, why didn't you speak up for yourself when the creep at the table next to mine kept calling you "Sweetheart?" To the girls on the beach who clearly didn't want conversation from the guy on the daybed next to you, why didn't you just tell him to leave you alone? 
Just like how the unenlightened high school version of myself didn't yet realize how wrong it was to be asked to kneel on the floor or sent to detention for the length of my skirt, I'm not sure that you, the wonderful women reading this, realize you are being mistreated. 
And maybe that's why you didn't care about Denim Day. 
Maybe you think that if I don't want to be hit on, I should stop wearing short skirts and crop tops. Maybe you think that if a girl doesn't want to be raped, she shouldn't be walking home alone at 1 a.m. That if she doesn't want to be approached at the hotel pool, she shouldn't be at the hotel pool. Maybe she shouldn't go anywhere at all. 
If this is you, I'm not going to argue with you, because the moment of your enlightenment is coming. One day, you will have been whistled at one too many times. One day, you will have been objectified for the last time. One day, God forbid, you or someone you love will be the girl in the tight jeans. 
If this isn't you, if you agree that women have a right to go through life without fear of harassment or assault regardless of their wardrobe choices, but you haven't voiced your opinion, I won't ask you why. But you should ask yourself. 
We Americans have always counted among our freedoms the right to ignorance and the right to not get involved. I am sorry to tell you that we don't have those rights anymore. Perhaps we never did. 


27 comments
  1. This is the best thing you've ever written. You are amazing.

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  2. I love everything you said in this article! So true that women continually put up with things they shouldn't have to because it's become socially acceptable behavior and so many women genuinely do not consider it harassment. We need to let girls know they should not have to live with this!

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    1. YASSSSSS we need to constantly engage in conversations with other women to make sure our friends are not being mistreated and simply putting up with it. We do all girls harm when we let harassment in our own lives slide by. xx

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  3. I changed into jeans yesterday after I saw your instagram post! You were the only blogger I follow who mentioned what day it was-- everyone else was posting photos of coffee. Thank you for speaking up!

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    1. Influencers have an OBLIGATION to be real and talk about real issues! It means so much that you read my caption and stood with us. Thanks, Paige!

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  4. I agree with Paige's comment above. More to the point, I noticed on election day and inauguration day many bloggers just went on with their usual outfit posts. I understand the fear of not wanting to get political for the good of their brands or whatever, but it took "Basic Bitch" blogging to a whole new low. I unfollowed them all. I remember you posed a Martin Luther King Jr. quote the day after the election. Thank you.

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    1. It really makes me sick how so many "influencers" don't care about influencing popular opinion, humanitarian efforts or literally anything that matters. They just want to get you to buy the ugly top they got paid $50 to take a photo of this week. Your thoughts resonate with me SO much. Thanks, Kristen!

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  5. So powerful how, looking back on your high school experience, you realize that for years you were marginalized and mistreated. We have to speak up or look back on our lives wishing we'd stood up for ourselves!

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  6. You are so right, Ash. On January 22, inauguration day, I realized I could no longer go a day without reading the news. For the first time in a decade, I have no idea what's going on with the Kardashians but I can tell you all about Syria.

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    1. We all became less free that day, because we lost the freedom to ignore the news. And I lost my appetite for celebrity news too! x

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  7. Felt inspired when I read this. What you say is true. In this world, we don't have the option of staying quiet anymore. Staying quiet is a way of endorsing the mistreatment of women!

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  8. Wow, I devoured every word of this. Amazing work.

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  9. Thank you for writing this. The more women open up and stand up, the more other women are encouraged and inspired to do the same! You are using your influence as a trendsetter to make feminism and self respect trendy. Bravo!

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    1. What kind words! And you couldn't be more right! x

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  10. Get You a Girl Who Can Do BothApril 30, 2017 at 8:56 AM

    I have to say, you switch seamlessly between talk about fashion and luxury and all things shallow and fabulous to conversation about things that are real and important as if it's the most natural thing in the world. What an example!

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    1. LOL yes, a girl can do both! Loved this comment, thanks! x

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  11. I have to admit, I had no idea about Denim Day. I hadn't checked my instagram-- which is usually considered a noble thing-- but I read the news and didn't see anything about it. Or maybe I did and didn't pay attention because there are so many marches and days and causes lately. They are all good causes, and I would happily be involved in all of them. But if there is a different cause or day or what-have-you every week, does it lose it's power?

    I wish I had known about Denim Day. I would have been in jeans for sure. But I think it's more important that we have these conversations, speak out, stick up for ourselves every day, not just Denim Day or March Day or whatever it is. The problem is that we need to have these days, these marches, at all, instead of just making feminism and humanitarianism our lifestyle.

    Sorry if any of this sounds negative. I'm with you, but I wanted to offer my thoughts.

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    1. Hannah, I absolutely agree that speaking up about humanitarian issues and fighting for women's rights is something we need to every day, integrating it into our lives and making it ok to talk about things that matter regularly. Participating in marches and events like Denim Day is useless if, the next day, we put down other girls and go back to obsessing over celeb news.

      Thanks SO much for your words! x

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  12. Great read as always, Ash. Really gives me a lot to think about. x

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  13. Your recollection of your high school experience is so powerful. I too look back on things that happened to me when I was younger and now realize that while you can't outright call it harassment, there were things going on that were very, very wrong. We have to talk about this, teach girls how they deserve to be treated and stop this from happening.

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    1. The grey areas really are so dangerous. A friend of mine recalls getting shoulder rubs from a male teacher when she was younger, and another remembers feeling uncomfortable when her coach compared her to his old girlfriends. A lot of wrong things are happening in high schools that are leaving scars on girls who don't know that they shouldn't have to put up with this. Thanks so much for your comment, Julie! x

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